literature

Growing Up

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Literature Text

When I was nothing
I blinked
I kicked
I breathed
I listened
I lived
When I was nothing
I believed the world was dark and warm and safe.

When I was zero
I was born
I cried
so did my mom
But my father called my name
and I stopped screaming
I looked up
and smiled
When I was zero
I believed a smile solved everything.

When I was one
I ate everything offered to me
I learned how to crawl
Scared my parents half to death
I played and cooed and laughed
I was innocent
Ignorant
When I was one
I believed the world was the warm embrace of my mother.

When I was two
I learned how to speak
More was my first word
And I started to walk
I played with my grandpa and his dog
When I was two
I believed he would always be there.

When I was three
I visited my aunt
and spoke my third word
It wasn't a word
It was a phrase
I marched down into that basement and
clothed in an over-large shawl
I spread my arms to my mother and aunt and said
My people
My mother says she didn't know what to make of it at the time
When I was three
I believed that I belonged.


When I was four
My nickname was Band-aid girl
I was clumsy
My dad left me in the car alone
And the car started backing up out of the driveway
So I screamed
And he came running
When I was four
I believed that he would always be able to protect me.

When I was five
My fifth birthday party was odd
I remember a small light
Circling about my head
And then the cake
And then the candles lit themselves
When I was five
I believed in magic.

When I was six
I started school
Made some friends
Learned to read and
swallowed a penny
I learned about math
and boys with cooties
and best of all
I learned about sharing crayons
When I was six
I believed everyone was kind.

When I was seven
My grandfather died
and my hair caught on fire
And I learned that doors really do lock
My father had to take the door off its hinges
I learned to wear black at funerals
and to keep quiet
and ask questions
Mommy, why is everyone else crying?
Grandpa's dead?
No he's not!
He's in heaven.
And he's happy.
I learned that people cry because of what they've lost
Not because the person is dead
When I was seven
I met Death for the first time.
And I think we became friends.

When I was eight
Nothing much happened
I made friends
Enemies
Got a pebble stuck in my elbow
When I was eight
I thought life would never change.

When I was nine
I finally learned to tie my shoes
My dog died right in front of me
We were alone in the room
And I didn't call for help when he whimpered
I didn't scream
Didn't cry
I just stood there
And watched
I got first communion
Ate Jesus for the first time
The wine was gross
But I drank it anyways
Trying to ignore the huge bug bite on my forehead
When I was nine
I learned to let Death do his job.
I learned to stay out of the way.
I learned that mosquitoes are evil.
I learned that Jesus loves me.

When I was ten
I changed schools
And learned that exclusion hurts
I learned that some people equate Apostles to opossums
And I learned that stupid wasn't really a bad word
I learned that people make mistakes
and that shooting someone doesn't mean you murdered them
I learned that the good die young
When my uncle was shot and killed
I figured out why people cry over the dead
But I still didn't do it myself
When I was ten
I trusted books more than people.
I trusted Death more than Life.


When I was eleven
I learned that getting trampled is worse than getting excluded
And that adults can't really help you
I hated math
And was scared of the dark
Got braces for the first time
And finally stopped falling out of bed
I learned about ADHD
And how it affected me
I thought about knives
More specifically
I thought about knives
And what they could do to my body
I made my parents cry
Got grounded a lot
Found things on the internet that
no kid should ever see
I learned that sexuality
isn't as sacred as some people make it out to be
When I was eleven
I learned how to lie.

When I was twelve
My dad's pet names annoyed me
I got my hair cut
I learned that acne is nature's curse for all teens
I learned about older-girl things
and hated growing up
When I was twelve
I would look out the window at night and pray that Peter Pan was real.

When I was thirteen
I finally became a "woman"
at the worst time possible
I figured out that British people are awesome.
When I was thirteen
Nothing much happened that I care to remember.

When I was fourteen
I learned that some teachers aren't very good at teaching
I learned about poetry
And I loved it
I became a procrastinator
And the first of my voices arrived
I wrote an entire prologue for a story
Based off of a street sign that read Echo Valley
I found that the good really do die young
when sixteen-year-old Alex died of a brain tumor
I never saw his little brother Trevor again
When I was fourteen
I learned to trust myself and the others more than anyone else around me.
I met Death for a third time.
And I wished he'd taken me instead of my friend.


When I was fifteen
I started high school
And climbed a lot of stairs
I took anti-depressants
And met my third psychiatrist
I cried every night for a week
I felt like I was suffocating
I cried for the brother in my mind
The one that never existed, but felt so real
When I was fifteen
I started to give up on the world.

I am sixteen
And I'm learning to hide everything
I'm learning to get my work done
Keep my head down
And shape myself into a normal gear
I'm learning to communicate with all the people in my head
And I'm learning to love
I'm learning to silently rebel
I'm learning to grow up
But I know that I will never stop believing in faith, trust, and pixie dust
I am sixteen
And I've got a long road ahead of me.
A summation of my life.
© 2014 - 2024 DewyPetals
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